Bad Influence Friend

My three-year-old daughter is in daycare with her best friend. Unfortunately I think this child is a bad influence, she’s rude and a bit aggressive, doesn’t listen well. I’m worried that her habits will rub off on my daughter. What should I do?

For the moment, I would treat the friendship as a learning experience.

“Everything is a learning opportunity for both the child and the parents,” explains professor of early childhood education at York University, Isabel Killoran. In this situation, “the child can begin to explore what friends are, how people should be treated and what the expectations are that his parents have of him.” Professor Killoran also points out that this is an opportunity for you, the parent, to “explore why [your child] is engaging in such friendship and what [you] can do to foster positive relationships.”

Unfortunately, negative influences can, and probably will, affect our children at all ages. Use this situation as an opportunity to teach your child about right and wrong. Explain why you think certain behaviours are not acceptable and encourage more positive activities and relationships with other children.

When raising young kids, it’s important to remember that “it is typical for them to imitate others,” explains Killoran. Children of this age “are only just beginning to understand fairness and what rights and needs are.” Because they are still learning so much, children need a lot of guidance. When naughty behaviour does occur, ask your child how they might feel if something similar was done to them. According to Killoran, this ‘put-yourself-in-their-shoes’ kind of dialogue is very important in early childhood development. Even if children don’t grasp this lesson right away, they will if it’s reinforced regularly.

If talking to your own child doesn’t seem to be having enough of an impact, consider speaking to the daycare instructor about your concerns. Ask him/her if they’ve noticed any different or inappropriate behaviour from your daughter. Mention your concerns about your own child (avoid speaking about the other girl if possible) and ask the staff if they’ve noticed anything similar. Try to work together with the daycare staff towards a consistent solution to the behavioural issues in question.

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