Pageant Boys
As some of you may have already read in the winter issue of Together Family, gender differences can be a challenge to many young parents. Parenting boys and girls differently can be damaging and yet most parents still do it, often without realizing it or understanding the consequences.
Rather than considering what’s right for each individual child parents generally consider what’s right for my daughter versus what’s right for my son. Should I give my daughter pink things and my son blue? Can I enroll my daughter in hockey? What should I do if my son wants to paint his nails?
Dr Lise Eliot, Neurologist, Gender Specialist and author of Pink Brain Blue Brain, thinks it’s important to let your children do whatever they’re drawn to (provided it’s safe, of course). Elliot also cautions that the way we stereotype and judge our children’s choices can have a detrimental effect on them down the road. When a child asks about doing something different (or outside of their gendered “norms”) they can pick up on even the subtlest cues of parental disapproval. Elliot warns that even a slight tilt of the head or wrinkle of the nose can affect your child’s self esteem.
A recent trend is picking up in the United States where boys are getting more and more involved in typically ‘girl’ activities like pageants, cheerleading, dance and fashion shows and it’s sparking some serious debate. Though many disagree with her one mother had, what I think is, a beautiful perspective on her son’s participation in pageants “It’s just like putting your son in soccer or baseball, they enjoy it,” she explained of her son’s choice to participate in pageants.
Lines are divided between parents who think this kind of self-expression is good for self-esteem and parents who believe it’s an invitation for bullying.
In an effort to address this latter opinion, Cheryl Kilodavis wrote a children’s book called My Princess Boy: A mom’s story about a young boy who loves to dress up.
“I wrote the story to give children and adults a tool to talk about unconditional friendship,” explains Cheryl. “When I feared my young son would be teased or bullied for wearing a dress to school I spoke with his preschool teacher and a plan was put in place to support him and others who express themselves differently.
Dr. Eliot’s perspective on gendered play and Cheryl’s efforts to encourage acceptance are, though admirable, both fairly new and are not necessarily widely accepted.
For some reason it’s become more ‘normal’ for girls to do typically boy things like play sports and get dirty. But when a boy decides to do typically girl things, people are up in arms! How can this be remedied? Should it be remedied? Or should boys be boys and girls be girls?
